Minutes, Because Linken Sucks

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You are standing on a hillside, looking into the face of some silent, ethereal offender, waiting for something-- what it is, God only knows. It is the edge of twilight; a time commonly associated with mystery and wonder. If only this night carried the scent of adventure- then it would be perfect.

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A powerful breeze sweeps over the hillside, carrying with it the scent of adventure. What do you do?

:::
I begin walking towards the wind. If it carries the scent of adventure, logic dictates that there must be adventure over where it came from.
:::

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You approach the edge of a cliff, slightly abashed that you hadn't noticed this before. You consider climbing down, but quickly discard the idea; you have no rope.

:::
Jump off and punch the ground below.
:::

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Who said anything about climbing? You jump off the cliff, to hell with rope and shit. You're like a hero; you're like Iron Man.

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By the time you reach the bottom of the cliff, it is very dark. You punch the ground, sending stray blades of grass flying, aggravating the native fauna. You feel badass.

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You gain +2 Bad Karma points for punching the earth. Also, your hand hurts like a bitch.

There is an old man regarding you fondly. He carries a gift.

Punch the man with the fist you used to punch the ground, for it has badassness into it and steal the gift.

Hadouken the man with the present. He has red eyes and can not be trusted.

Let loose your inner fury and punch the man in the throat, for your rage after playing and failing Battletoads 3 for many a month is still ingrained into your brain.

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You are perturbed by the elderly fellow's kindness; you see no other alternative but to punch him in the throat.

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Fuck his hospitality. It's your cliff base now, and no kindly old hermit is going to offer you gifts in your house. Not now;

Not ever.

Dramatically open the gift

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You hunker down, ready to open the present in an extraordinary fashion.

You hope it's not empty.

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You rip off the lid in exultation, ready to for the beautiful present inside.

God if this thing is empty you will be so pissed.

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It looks pretty fucking empty to you.

God damn it.



(I've decided to stop sharpening the images, it looks bad. Sorry about that.)

Think back to myself "The wind was carrying the scent of adventure... from the other way. Perhaps I should climb back u- ...Shiiiiiit."

Run away from the gift and cliff.

Never trust a cliff.

Feel around inside the empty box. Maybe the gift is just invisible.

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You immerse your hand in the yellow present, copping a feel of its tender insides. You find nothing invisible, but do manage to discover a secret compartment.

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The secret compartment reveals a flaming blue egg, much to large to fit within the apparently magical present. It pulses with energy.

Crack that bad boy open and make a kick ass omelet

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Keep it safe. Who knows what may be inside... And when it hatches, you'll find out. It's not like you need to keep it warm or anything. It's a FLAMING blue egg. But anyway. Let's walk to the right now. Perhaps there are more old men with empty gift boxes that hold weird artifact like magical items that I can add to my collection to unlock the best weapon in the game.

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You lack any of the more conventional methods to carry an egg, so instead of keeping the pulsing babe in a satchel or, say, present, you place it in the nook of your arm, holding it tight.

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As you venture East, you find that night is descending quickly. After around fifteen minutes of uneventful travel, you spot a slew of levitating boulders.

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You notice a strange hill that seems to pull the avian boulders towards it like a magnet.You feel the egg's pulse quicken beneath your arm.

Gently set the egg down, then try to move the boulders to find the bouldermagnet.

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You set your cherished prize down with tender loving care, with no regard for the boulders that may or may not stay floating above your head, and the fact they might fall any second. None of that matters to you; your egg is safe.

You sure are foresighted.

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As soon as you place the egg on the ground, it emits a really bright light. Like, the fucking sun. But not as bright. That's just a good analogy, I thought.

"AAAH! MY DROW EYES!" I proclaim as I shield said eyes. I look back in amazement after a brief moment, reaching out for the egg.

Suddenly, the art takes a turn for the better.

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You can't speak the English language! instead you yell something foul in your native language, 'Bruxz'. It's about whoregods, and is best left untranslated.

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You reach for the egg. When you touch it, you know it will hatch. In the next few moments, you make a mental list of things that might be inside. It includes such monstrosities as:

This post has been edited by fuel combustability rating on Oct 10 2009, 09:50 PM

-Dragon
-Monster Squid
-Hawk with Razor claws (CLAWS THAT ARE MADE OUT OF RAZORS)
-Some grotesque looking monster with skin that's melting, that will try and rip your skin off to wear.
-Some fucking bug parasite thing that will latch onto you and won't let go until it's eaten enough of you and you're DEAD.
-Shark
-Giant Spider
-Deadly Snake

A Gundam.