Dream Fiction Stories!, please post a comment on my stories

[Avril's Man]

Yo this is thread where i post stories and you comment on them

i will post one every week (7 days) here in this thread and they only take me about 5 mins to write

heres my first story


BETTIS THE BETRAYER!


The war between Turkey and Scottish was about to begin
Bettis who was a Turk looked real eager to battle
but the Celts came in numbers and The Turks loked anxious
They get into there squads and prepar for War
Bettis is the first to make a move charging at about 5 Celt Squads
The Turks were out numbered and still Charged forward
Bettis was the first to get struck down but the Turkish Warrior didnt die
then his whole Squad got Pasted and Killed
the celt squads then went to look for more Turks but the other Turk squads were struggling
Bettis had to make another Move
Then through the Mist a group of Turk horsemen appeared and Charged at the celts
Bettis went to a Celt leader and asked to join thy side
The legion just told him to battle as he had no time to talk
Bettis then realisied TURK horsemen had arrived and was in even more trouble
Bettis couldnt change again and battled his own nationality
he fought bravely as did all the celts but The Turks had struck them all down
the Turk slaves then arrived with the Hang poles
and all Celt survivors were to be Hung one by one
they saved Betts til last
When they came up to Bettis - Bettis asked for not to be hung as it was a trick but the king gave the HENCEFORTH and Bettis
was pushed to the ground were he ws tied to the Pole by a Neck chain
Bettis was then pulled up to the top slowley and let down very fast but they never let his feet touch the bottom his neck snapped and the Turkish hero was Hung to death
and now 200 years after the War Turkish warrior Bettis was still known as a Hero but not as a hero he would of been if he never Betrayed his own Nationality.

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Please post your comments underneath
and i will make the next story in 3 days time

XXX THANKS XXX

[The Flayed One]

That is an interesting story, however, I suggest you add more detail and structure to your work.